A Bare Soul

Just as any human, I struggle at times to trust God. In fact, during childhood, my trust was broken. God promised me two years ago that he was going to restore my trust.

Some days we are good; other days, I’m honest with myself and him that I don’t fully trust him in certain areas. I find great peace telling him this as ‘he can take my honesty’ without getting emotional and responding from that place. Some days I say it and carry on with my day, not knowing what the outcome will be, but I expect good things from him. And maybe this is a form of trust.
I have peace in telling him exactly how I feel, sugar coating nothing but sharing my raw emotions with my savior, and because he is Love itself, this is what is wrapped around me in my weakest states.

I struggle with anxiety. It used to be depression & anxiety, but he’s healed me from depression of over ten years, last year. With anxiety comes nervousness as I want to please and love him with all of me but the ideal so-called picture I paint and try to live up to, is hard!!! The thing is, I thought I should be perfect, and so I did overtime, trying to be. Whenever or should I make the wrong choice and mess up, I’d beat myself up for extended periods instead of forgiving myself and move forward in our relationship.

I’ve realized that it’s not that deep! The weight on my shoulders, the heavy burdens on my back that prevented me from sleeping well at night all because I was up late wondering if my life pleased him, is a thing of the past. I don’t always live up to the standards taught by men, and this would cause me to isolate myself from him because, in my mind, he’s not pleased with me.

But who told me that? The Bible says the righteous fall seven times, but they get up. I believe they get up because of the love they have for God and his spirit that leads and gives them the strength to get up, brush off and keep going- without the heaviness of guilt and shame. We are human, and life isn’t a destination but a beautiful journey—one with him.

I walk a personal path. It’s God and me; I don’t aim to be perfect; I expect to walk a prosperous path, not a perfect problem-free one, because I am His child. Anxiety gets the best of me some days, but it’s okay because I have already overcome it in the future, I’m just dealing with the process now.
Some days I cry more than I smile. I feel defeated and hopeless. It does not mean I’m alone.

I’m in touch with my emotions and told God from the start, and I will be open and honest with him at all times.

I don’t know where ill be a few years from now, but I’m always excited about what is to come. I know it’s more incredible things.

When my soul is bare, I feel so much better than putting on a front that I’m always okay because I’m NOT! However, I know I will be because I depend wholly on God and his love.
I FEEL a mess some days, but I’m still a beautiful masterpiece in his presence. I’m in love with my uncertain, most times turbulence-filled path, but it’s taking me somewhere. He is taking me somewhere.

My job is to believe and keep renewing my mind with his word. To think of things that uplift my spirit no matter the struggle and focus on what I know to be true!

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”…. ”you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.” -Isaiah 43:2 & 4

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think of things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” -Phil 4:8